Hot Bond boys with bit parts
Ever since Dr. No, it’s been a policy of the filmmakers to fill minor roles in Bond films with stunningly attractive women. I think it’s time we hit the pause button and enjoyed some of the Bond blokes with small parts (it’s not the size that counts!) with the same appreciative gaze.
Terence Young, the director of Dr. No, From Russia With Love and Thunderball, made it his mission to cast even the smallest role in his films with the most attractive women he could find. It’s a tradition that continues to this day, mostly so the straight men in the audience can have their recommended daily allowance of eye candy. Many of these women are fated to bring haute couture glamour to a hotel reception desk, or just look pretty in bikinis around a swimming pool. We still don’t get more than a handful of female scientists, doctors, soldiers, security guards, bartenders, croupiers, etc, which is a shame considering how many of these figures appear in Bond films. Surely a few more of these bit parts could be cast with women, just like they are in real life?
While we wait for the films to catch up with our observable reality, let us make some observations of a different kind.
We owe it to ourselves - nay, the whole of society! - to do what we can to redress the balance. We need to further the cause of, uh, feminism, by staring at some hot men.
Okay, it’s a thin pretext at best. At worst (if anyone is still taking this seriously - no? just checking) it has the potential to set feminism back decades. But in the absence of real fairness between the sexes and people of different sexual orientations, and with the light at the end of the tunnel still far in the distance, we can only fight fire with fire. Women have been sexually objectified for as long as human civilisation has existed. Let’s not feel guilty about ogling some dudes.
Whether intentionally or not, the Bond films feature a plethora of attractive men. You’d be forgiven for missing them though. Because most Bond films have been made by straight men for a presumed straight male audience, the camera doesn’t linger as long on most of the boys as it does the girls.
So let’s slow down, hit the pause button (being careful not to wear it out), and take a good long look at the blink-and-you’ll-miss-them Bond boys with limited screentime.
Thank you to everyone who has sent me their nominations. If you would like to nominate some of your own hot Bond boys in bit parts please get in touch. Of course, even straight guys can appreciate male beauty so you don’t have to be gay/bi/pan or a straight woman (but it probably helps).
In Octopussy, Bond shoots this cutie of a Russian soldier in the forehead! What is he thinking?! Bearing in mind that the Russians aren’t really the villains (his superior, General Orlov, is a renegade) this hottie’s death raises the stakes considerably: Bond just doesn’t have time to explain - the countdown on that nuclear bomb is ticking! He’s a very tiny bit part (played by actor Alan Austen?) but he left an impression on contributor Henry Weedon.
Another one from Octopussy, which, contrary to the title, has something for everyone. Henry Weedon alerted me to the presence of this German policeman who lets Bond - disguised as a clown - into the big top. As for big tops… (okay, that joke pretty much writes itself so I’ll let you finish it off).
Chris (aka britishbondaddict) put forward Colin Salmon. While I argued with Chris that Charles Robinson is more than a ‘bit part’ in Tomorrow Never Dies and The World Is Not Enough Chris wore me down (it didn’t take much persuading) because Robinson is relegated to exposition-delivery duty in Die Another Day. Plus he wears a fantastic three-piece with a pink shirt, out-tailoring Bond in the process.
Derek Lea was a stuntman throughout the Brosnan era (he has the most screentime in The World Is Not Enough as one of Renard’s henchmen, particularly visible in the submarine finale) but graduated to speaking in Quantum of Solace. Although he doesn’t say a lot (“P*ss off”), his death (Bond throws him off the roof), makes Bond a political liability. Thanks to birb.jamesbirb for picking Derek who says that "while “I can think of several others, he is top of my mind”. When Calvin Dyson met Derek he asked to be mock punched in the face and he obliged. Not jealous Calvin - not jealous at all.
GoldenEye’s croupier is played by Vladimir Milanovich (who appears never to have acted again - shame!) and he actually gets to speak. Although he barely gets to squeeze a word in between Bond’s and Xenia’s steamy badinage across the baccarat table. Thanks again to Henry Weedon for bringing my golden eye to bear on Vlad (the impaler?).
What’s this guy got to be so emo about? He’s preeeeeetty. Credited in Casino Royale as ‘disapproving man’, Czech actor Miroslav Simunek is another strong pick from Henry Weedon.
Stunning-looking stunt driver Michel Julienne appears on screen behind the wheel several times, smouldering on each occasion. I’ve constructed an entire narrative about his ‘character’ that threads through his film appearances. It goes something like this: After living for several years as a ‘bad boy’ henchman (For You Eyes Only, right) he settles down to a hetero life in The Living Daylights (above) - but really he’s living a lie and it doesn’t stick. He finally accepts himself for who he is and finds love with a British man with ginger hair and a website featuring queer readings of James Bond (this part is not on screen and exists solely in my overactive imagination…).
